


Distress Call

by SonicTitanic23



Category: Metroid Series, Red Dwarf
Genre: Comedy....I guess, Don't question time line, Don't take this serous, I'm incredibly bored, Non-Canon of course., a bit of fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 23:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12069276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonicTitanic23/pseuds/SonicTitanic23
Summary: Within deep space, Samus Aran receives a distress call from a mining ship called Red Dwarf. After hearing that there is life on bored, she makes her way to their ship. Question is, will she tolerate them enough to assist them?





	Distress Call

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all. This was just a random idea that popped into my head. I have no idea why and I'm only doing this because I really have nothing better to do. Still, you got to have a laugh right? Either it's funny because of it actually being funny, or because it's bad is up to you. Welp, let the train wreak begin!

Deep within the reaches of space, a ship piloted by Samus Aran, Bounty Hunter, was cruising at a slow speed. It's been sometime since the hunter has done anything worthwhile and really the only thing she does do is go for a drive and listen to the radio. While the galaxy was at peace, it's times like this she wished something would happen. Walking out from her sleeping camber of her ship, Samus made her way to the dashboard to sit on her chair. "Ugh. It's been 5 years to the day and I've still have nothing. Everything else is handled by GFF nowadays. I'd take anything to get rid of this boredom! ANYTHING!" she says as she slams her head on the dashboard, quickly regretting it. Just then, a signal was coming in. ".....what are the chances." she said and turns on her radio. It was hard to hear at first but soon enough she managed to get the radio in the right channel. The voice was British sounding.  
  
"This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf. The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak. It's only surviving members are Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation during the leak and his pet cat who was safely sealed in the hold. Revived Three Million years later, Lister's only companions are a life form evolved from his cat, Arnold Rimmer who is a hologram of one of the dead crewmen and Kryten, a mechanoid who serves his fellow crew men and other duties. I'm Holly, the ship's computer. I have an IQ of six thousand. The same IQ as six thousand PE teachers." Samus stared blankly at the radio. Before she could speak back, the radio spoke again. "Additional. Food and supplies are plentiful, though no one wants to eat the last After Eight Mint. Message End." Once again, she looked at the radio with a blank stare.   
  
"This has got to be some stupid prank. Well I guess it's better than sitting here doing nothing." She patched herself into the radio, she was about to make contact with the ship. On Red Dwarf, Lister was busy playing a game of mini crazy golf with Cat. Despite his best efforts, Cat kept getting a lower score.  
  
"OW YEAH!!! That's minus twenty for the love machine! Bet you can't catch up monkey boy! I'm on a role baby!" Cat started to dance around the sleeping quarters. Lister stared at Cat with anger in his eyes.  
  
"Yeah that's only because you're playing the way "cats" apparently play. I don't know how to play it like that because you never thought me!" shouted Lister. Cat only smirked back.  
  
"Well the thing is, it's to complicated for your monkey brain." Just as Cat was about to continue his speech, Rimmer made his way into the sleeping quarters. "Oh look it's goal post head. What do you want?" Rimmer flared his nose at the Cat's comment.  
  
"Can't a man enter his own room without a deformed human and his pet cat bothering me? I should be asking you why you're here." said Rimmer.  
  
"Rimmer smeg off it's my room too and I say when Cat or Kryten can come in. Now have you come in here for something or are you just going to bother us with more of you're military smeg?" responded Lister while taking swig of his can of lager.  
  
"As a matter of fact Lister I do have a reason. Holly told me that-" was all Rimmer could say before Kryen came into the room.  
  
"Sirs! Holly as just told me that there has been a reply to our distress call! He wants us up on the main deck to hear the message as he's decoding it as we speak." finished the mechanoid. Rimmer was displeased with Kryten for telling the message before he did.  
  
"Kryten why did Holly send that message to you when he sent it to me first?" ask Rimmer annoyingly.  
  
"Well he thought you were taking to long so he asked me to be sure Mr Lister and Cat knew." The two nodded at each other while Rimmer was getting more and more angry by the second.  
  
"Well let's not waste any time and let's get up there lads." said Lister as the rest of the crew moved up to the main deck, with a sad Cat wishing he could still play the mini crazy golf. On the deck, Lister fired up the computer. "Alright Hol what's the story?" asked Lister.  
  
"Well Dave, I picked up a signal from a piloted ship. It's around the same size as Starbug. I'm still trying to decode the message, this fried brain isn't as fast as it used to be." responded Holly as he disappeared from the screen. The crew sat down and started to wonder what it was.  
  
"Aliens!" responded Rimmer. Everyone looked at Rimmer with confusion.  
  
"Um....Mr Rimmer. May I remind you that there has been no aliens in this sector of space for millions of years. It's piratically pointless as there is no good settlements for aliens for thousands of light years away." said Kryten.  
  
"Maybe they are on holiday?" responded Rimmer. "I believe aliens got bored of their social life and decided to take a holiday a few light years away from home. Doesn't that sound logical?" ask Rimmer as he looked at everyone.  
  
"Rimmer you really need to use that brain to think about what you just said. Why in the name of smeg would and alien be bothered to come out into deep space for no reason but for a holiday?" Lister was just done talking to Rimmer before Holly came back onto the screen.  
  
"Good news. The pilot is a human. She's requesting to come on bored. Shall I allow it?" Everyone froze. She?! A female?!  
  
"AW YEAH! All my life I've been waiting for this moment and it has finally arrived!" shouted Cat in joy. Kryen on the other hand wasn't has impressed with the fact the human was female, more on the fact there is a human wanting access to here.  
  
"Sirs, this is incredible news! Our first human contact in years. The excitement is unbearable my head's about to explode!" said Kryen happily. Rimmer remained quiet, more than likely to get his voice ready to sound like a commanding officer.  
  
"Well it's agreed, we let her on board." asked Lister with everyone agreeing. "Alright Hol send the message that she's available to come on board." said Lister to Holly.  
  
"On it Dave." Back on Samus's ship, she waited for a response from the rather dumb but likeable ships computer who kept her company while the Dwarf crew decided what to do. Finally, Holly responded. "Alright Miss Samus, please dock in Docking Zone One. The crew will meet you there." Holly stopped the broadcast and Samus made her way to the docking zone. It took some time but she managed to dock on Red Dwarf. She dawned her Power Suit to be on the safe side. After everything was in check, she finally exited the ship. The crew were expecting a ladder to come down, only to be surprised to see a figure to appear on the top of the ship.  
  
"Greetings. I am Samus Aran, Bounty Hunter. I revived an SOS call from your mining ship. Although I have been informed that the message has been outdated for many years by your ships computer. Am I right in saying that?" the bounty hunter asks as she jumped off the ship. No response from the crew until Kryen finally spoke up.  
  
"Miss Aran, it is an absolute pleasure to meet you. I'm Kryen, and if there is anything you need from me just say the word and I'll do my best ma'am." said Kryten extending his arm for a handshake, which Samus took.  
  
"A Mechanoid? I haven't see one in years. Thought they were all gone and busted up." Kryten winced at the thought of it. "Now what about you three?" ask Samus facing the other males. Cat was the first one to make contact.  
  
"Hey. I'm the Cat. And may I say that you're suit is so fly, I need weights to hold me down!" Samus had the feeling that at least one of them would try to hit on her, she was use to it. Never thought it would be the Cat. Before Cat made any other comments, Rimmer shoved him out of the way and cleared his throat.  
  
"I am Officer Arnold J Rimmer, captain of the mining ship Red Dwarf and it's a pleasure to have you on board Miss Aran." Like Kryten, Rimmer extended his arm to shake. Samus hesitated.  
  
"Wait aren't you a hologram?" She completely forgot about the Hard Light function most holograms had nowadays. Of course in her defense, they had an outdated Mechanoid on the ship so it wasn't out of the question he was an outdated hologram too.  
  
"Ah yes well I'm Hard Light. Have been for a while. I died for being a brave crew member, trying to save people during the radiation leak. As you can see, didn't work so well." said Rimmer. Lister couldn't help but snicker behind him.  
  
"Well him being Hard Light is the only thing that's hard on his body anymore!" Lister fell into a fit of laughter, followed by Cat. Samus herself couldn't help but laugh at the holograms expense. "Dave Lister. Last living original crew member. Occupation........bum." he said. Alright Samus liked his personality, though his appearance.....not so much. "Don't listen to Captain Smeg Head over here. He was a Second Technician before the accident." Rimmer was furious.  
  
"I was still above you. You're on report Ma'lado!" he said as he took out his pen and paper.  
  
"Alright Rimmer no need to impress the guest. Come on, let's go to the living quarters." said Lister. Samus was starting to wonder why the ship hasn't returned to a human settlement. All she knew is, the rest of the day was going to be quite interesting.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there we go. First Chapter finished. Going to be taking my time with this.....if I even bother finishing it. Again this is out of boredom so don't take it seriously please. I'll see you next Chapter......maybe.


End file.
